Britney Spears Perfume
by Steve Theunissen
It’s the eternal dilemma – Christmas rolls around and you’ve got to grit your teeth and fork out on gifts for your relatives. People you can hardly bear the presence of and you’ve got to dole out your hard earned cash on presents for them. What you’d really like to do is to buy them something that looks sweet and innocent but that carries an underlying message – up yours, loser! Well wish no more – welcome to the world of Britney Spears Perfume.
We knew it had to come. Love her or hate her, our Britney has proven to the money moguls that her name sells. Who cares what the product is, if you want to see it go off the sales radar, slap on the name Britney Spears. Perfume, of course, is a no brainer. After all, what teenage girl can resist the thrill of splashing a handful of Britney Spears Perfume over her nether regions (come to think of it, Britney Spears Perfume may just appeal to tweenage boys as well). And guess what? Britney Spears Perfume is selling like hot cakes (not that I’ve ever actually seen any documented figures on hot cake sales). Try buying Britney Spears Perfume online and what are you likely to find? Sorry, Britney Spears Perfume is out of stock!
But, I digress – back to our diabolical (but, oh so sweet) plan. Target number one – the mother in law. Sure it’s a cliché but this woman really is a dragon. She hates your guts and she’s not scared to let the world know it. The woman thinks she’s a fashion icon so imagine her horror when she opens her present to find – Britney Spears Perfume. To rub salt into the wound, smile sweetly and say, “ It’ll fit right in with that mini skirt of yours, mom.” It’ll be enough to have her cursing Britney Spears Perfume for the next 364 days – by then the industry should have advanced from Britney Spears Perfume to another tacky, tasteless money grabber that you can use to embarrass the old nag.
Target Number Two – your brother’s oh so insolent 17 year old daughter. Of course she thinks she’s soo over these pathetic holiday get togethers with you lousy stuck in the seventies excuses for relatives. She’s in permanent text message mode and the expression on her face is an eternal frown. Her ultimate nightmare would be to be caught listening to Britney Spears. Perfume is for wannabes if it doesn’t cost $100 a drop. So, can you just imagine what the little sweetie is going to be thinking when she unwraps her little package and discovers – Britney Spears Perfume. With sweet old grandma looking on expectantly she’s gonna’ have to atleast pretend to be pleased. She’ll probably mutter something like, “ Oh,thanks uncle Fred, I’ve been hanging out for this Britney Spears Perfume.” Your come-back will be, “ Hey, I really wanted to get you Britney’s latest CD as well, but, what can I say – my lotto numbers didn’t come in. But don’t worry, if you’re an especially good girl, next year you’ll get Britney Spears Perfume and Britney music.”
I could go on with the target shooting, but I’m sure you’ve got the picture by now. Britney Spears Perfume is the perfect antidote for those relations you love to hate. One whiff of Britney Spears Perfume and they’ll be cursing you for the next 12 months. That’s what makes Britney Spears Perfume the ultimate gift.
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