Learn to Break Dance
by Bob Ellal
Learn to Break Dance, Headbangers
Bob Ellal is a freelance writer living in Norwich, Connecticut. He currently practices aspects of various internal kung fu systems, which helped him defeat four bouts of cancer in the early 90’s. He’s written a book about his experiences using chi kung, ancient Chinese mind/body exercises, to help beat the disease. He’s been clear of cancer for eight years.
Headbangers and heavy metal holdouts, beware: break dancing is back. You sighed with relief back in the early eighties when New Wave took over the charts (well, actually you hated New Wave; you know, Flock of Seagulls and that blow-dried, two-can-of-spray hair) and kicked the moonwalkers out of music videos. But we’re experiencing resurgence, and now you, too, can learn to break dance.
Imagine attending a Metallica concert and instead of headbanging impressing everyone with a headspin on the concert floor. How about leaping on stage and doing a Michael Jackson moonwalk before Security whisks you offstage and has a really good reason to beat the hell out of you? Why not learn to break dance?
Would you consider going to your local biker bar and when the local bar band kicks into a rendition of Black Sabbath’s Evil Woman, performing the Centipede (also known as the Worm) on the dance floor in front of the local chapter of the Hell’s Angel’s? What do you think you life expectancy would be? C’mon, be a man—learn to break dance.
Think of the figure you’d cut in a white leisure suit with an aqua, white lapelled shirt, your clean-shaven throat festooned with gold chains, tufts of chest hair crawling out among the links. What biker chic, tired of her heavily bearded man dressed in ripped jeans and leathers, wouldn’t swoon? Think of the conversations: “I can do the top rock, the freeze, the flare, the wave, the strobe, the boomerang, the flip, the munchmill, the puppet, and my all time favorite—the floating head.” So get a shave, buy some new threads, and learn to break dance.
And punk rockers, like your heavy-metal brethren, it’s high time you learned to move, too. If your favorite dance move is the “Cretin Hop,” bouncing straight up and down with your arms glued to your sides, you’re in trouble. Give it up, it’s over. Women love a man who can dance. Learn to break dance.
Imagine doing “the wave” to the strains of the Ramones’ Suzy Is a Headbanger—stretching both arms out to the sides, elbows bent, then undulating like a dancing girl in a scene from The Three Stooges Meet the Sultan Hassen Ben Soba. It would mean a whole new energy paradigm, and a new way of interpreting the works of such bands as the Suicide Commandos and the Sex Pistols. Learn to break dance, get on the floor and windmill your way to a better understanding of Iggy Pop’s Now I Wanna Be a Dog.
Remember, when you learn to break dance—it’s all about personal style. For example, try headbanging your noggin’ like a piston while you’re doing the headspin—be unique, it’s never been done. And practice in the proper clothing, man. Ripped jeans and leathers won’t do. Try sweats, remember the kneepads, and please, don’t forget the gold chains.
Learn to break dance