Cheap Flights New Zealand
by Steve Theunissen
“Cheap Flights New Zealand!”
The message screamed from the billboard overhanging the Central bank on main street. I’d just come from a back-to-back screening of all 3 Lord of the Rings movies and was fighting my way back home in the midst of rush hour traffic. The rain was pelting down, the smog was at full force and the dreariness of this forgotten by progress, mid western shanty of a town was starting to get me down. The contrast with the wondrous beauty of Middle Earth New Zealand that had just blown me away for near on 8 hours was all to apparent. Then I saw it:
“Cheap flights New Zealand !. . . going fast.”
Yes! I thought. The answer to my prayers. Of course I was always on the look out for cheap flights. New Zealand, courtesy of the afore mentioned 8 hour LOTR marathon, was right on the forefront of my mind, so the combination of the two was irresistible. I swung my ’67 Chevy into a 360 (nearly collecting an octogenarian on a mobility scooter in the process) and fought my way through more traffic to the place that was advertising these “Cheap flights, New Zealand.” I just about went right past it, but spotted it out of my peripheral vision. The billboard was reproduced on the travel shop’s window – “Cheap flights, New Zealand!...going fast.”
Actually I should have seen it from a block and a half away. Their was a line of people, you see, trailing out the door of that little travel shop and winding all the way down the street and around the corner. Fantastic, I thought – the whole darned town is after these Cheap flights. New Zealand is about to be overrun by good ol’ boys from the mid western hinterland – lucky them. I managed to park my wagon in a handicapped zone, and headed for the back of the line, determined to score myself one of those cheap flights. New Zealand, watch out, I thought as I surveyed the odd assortment of local wierdos, all itching to get their hands on these cheap flights. New Zealand would never be the same again, I lamented as I took my place in the queue.
“What’s all the excitement,” I asked the woman in front of me.
“Cheap flights – New Zealand, “ she chirped, “going fast.”
Well, I stood in that line for two and a half hours before I made it to the shop front. For 150 minutes I read over and over that same tantalizing message – Cheap Flights New Zealand! …going fast. Cheap Flights – New Zealand was becoming permanently etched into my brain. When I finally got through the door of that store, I was virtually foaming at the mouth to get hold of those cheap flights. New Zealand had better be worth it, I muttered to myself.
At which point the guy in line in front of me, turns to me and says, all innocent like, “I hope you’re not still waiting for those New Zealand cheap flights? New Zealand sold out 25 minutes ago. They sent a text message down the line. Didn’t you get it?”
“Can you see a cell phone,” I spit back at the guy, “So what in the heck is everyone still waiting for?”
“Oh, they’ve just put cheap flights to Afghanistan on sale,” he tells me.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered. As I slunk away into the night, it was all I could do to resist the urge to smash that Cheap Flights New Zealand sign into a thousand pieces.